Category Archives: New Year’s Resolutions

friday night breakdown.

Whoa. I just completely, totally broke down. Like, cried like a helpless baby in front of the fridge because we’re out of the beer I wanted to drink kind of a breakdown. Irrational, ridiculous, embarrassing breakdown. This entire day was this breakdown’s foreplay. Now I’m sitting on the other side of the meltdown and I think I can logically break it down (whoa, pun not intended) to make this all make sense.

CHANGE

As of Monday, I have decided to do a number of new things and I think my poor little soul wasn’t prepared. I’ve, for the most part, changed my diet. I’ve decided to stay positive and optimistic instead of retreating to comfortably numb cynicism. I have opted out of boozing on non-weekend days (major shock to the system, lemme tell you). I have thrown myself into this blog to document my pathway to positivity.

As a result of these changes, I:

1) have not been sleeping well. at. all.

I normally retreat to bed at a very early time (usually out of boredom, not necessarily sleepiness). This week, while I wanted to sleep, I couldn’t! My mind has been racing. I actually take this to be a good thing: instead of slumping into hours-long sleep, I’m actually sleepless due to the excitement of major life changes. However, that doesn’t get me out of waking up before 6:00 for work each day…so the lack of sleep has started to wear on me.

2) have been having major. major. MAJOR. headaches.

Over a year ago, I was concerned about my relentless headaches. Saw a neurologist about it, had an MRI, yadda yadda yadda…there might be something minor wrong with my nervous system but there is nothing wrong with my brain. Magically, the headaches subsided after I stopped worrying about all the things that might’ve been wrong. I’ve been largely headache-free since–until now. I’ve been going to sleep with headaches, waking up with headaches. This has been never-ending headache week.

3) have been possibly ignoring work issues.

As a means of being more positive, this means much of the work shit has remained untouched and stuffed down. There’s probably only so much of this I can take before I explode. My boss almost brought on the trigger of that tipping point. Today’s breakdown was little about work, but how long can this go on before an inevitable work meltdown?

4) have not really been eating.

I’ve been too busy at work, haven’t had any money in my account to go grocery shopping, haven’t been feeling up to cooking long-winded dinners…so I’ve just been eating less. And today when I couldn’t lunch at work because there was no time for a 30-minute break, I think it all finally caught up to me.

5) have been probably going through beer withdrawal.

I used to drink daily and now I’m limiting myself to weekends. Seeing that the fridge lacking the ONE beer I wanted (Breckenridge Agave Wheat) was the trigger of my Friday night breakdown (crying–no, SOBBING–in front of the fridge and saying “that was the last straw! that was the last straw!”)–I might venture to say that the lack of drinking is shocking my system just a bit.

Once I addressed my basic needs (cried a little and felt emotionally satisfied; chowed down on coconut curry, which I’ve been craving for days; drank half a beer; changed into my PJs), I felt better.

I just freaked out a little bit. I told James I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t kid myself and change the way I think and behave–I alluded to the fact that I’m not strong enough to be different than I was. But that’s not true. I think this week was just overwhelming. I now have a clear mind. I now see that this is going to be a long process–but damnit, I’m going to find happiness, some way or another. Here’s to hoping that the breakdowns come few and far between from here on out.

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things to do differently in 2012

I’ve already made mention of the fact that I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions–however, there are a few things I aim to do differently this year–or maybe just some things I plan on considering. Without further adieu, below are my New Year’s non-resolutions.

  • Be Kind

This one goes without saying. It’s easy to be a dick. It’s easy to be a less-than-stellar friend. It’s easy to find yourself victim of “flight” instead of “fight.” I’m a person who is easily irritated by others’ bad habits and I’d like to not be that hateful girl in the corner anymore. This year I vow to try to find kindness.

  • Think Mindfully

Thinking mindfully (or, thinking in the present) is something I’ve learned much about in my yoga practice. I was recently reading How to Train Your Brain to Get Happy, which mentioned the positive effects meditation can have on the brain–such as stimulating the limbic system (the brain’s emotional network). I used to find meditation cheesy–before actually trying it–but I have to say, I feel completely at peace and rejuvenated after taking savasana in class. This year I vow to think more mindfully.

  • Immerse Myself in Causes

A few months ago, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was stuck in a post-grad rut and I was searching for something that would feel meaningful to me. The end result was a volunteering gig with a local no-kill shelter. I love animals and both of my cats were rescues, so it seemed right to me that I would volunteer my time to help a local organization succeed, since I’m not exactly in a spot to donate financially. While this is all well and good, the gig is only 2 hours/month. I can do better than that. This year I vow to find more causes to immerse myself in.

  • Drink Beer Only on Weekends and Special Occasions 

I write this as I sip a Breckenridge Agave Wheat from a frosted Sam Adams mug (hey, I had today off since New Year’s Day fell on a weekend, so this is totally a “holiday”!) I absolutely love craft beer. I live too close for comfort to Binny’s. While I can’t blame my expanding waistline entirely on beer, I’d have to say it’s a pretty big culprit. The uppermost shelf of my fridge is almost entirely taken up by various beers right now. I bought my boyfriend a subscription to the “beer of the month” for Christmas. We love beer. And we need to stop drinking so much of it. This year, I vow to not come home on any idle Tuesday to crack open a cold one and veg out on the couch–I vow to drink beer only on weekends and special occasions.

  • Consider Veganism…?

About six of my 23 years have been comprised of vegetarianism. I only recently started to entertain the idea of becoming vegan. To be honest, I love cheese. I am a cheese-loving vegetarian, period. I also have a huge sweet tooth, and while vegan baked goods, I’ve found, aren’t terrible, they’re certainly no match for red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I took a 1-day vegan challenge just a few days ago, and it spilled into being a 2-day vegan challenge. It would have been three if it wasn’t for the damn cupcakes I just mentioned that I baked on New Year’s Eve. I even found that many of my favorite beers are vegan-friendly! My two days of veganism felt really good and clean and had me aching for more healthy choices. I don’t think full-time veganism is a commitment I’m ready to make (especially since I love shoes and the majority of my shoes are leather…sigh), but it’s something I’m toying with. This year, I vow to eat less animal products–for my health and for the planet.

  • Be Honest

This is a straight-forward one. I wouldn’t admit to a vegan friend that I don’t think I could be vegan because I love my leather shoes–but hey, look, I just admitted it here. Honesty. Get some.

  • Not Find Myself on a “Diet”

Last, but not least–this is probably the most important non-resolution I have this year. I could stand to lose a few (several) pounds–but! Diets don’t work. At least, not for me. They work for a while but then I binge on all the amazing foods I’ve been depriving myself of, and then I gain all the weight back and then some. This is common and can be avoided by a simple lifestyle change. This year, I vow to change the way I live my life with the planned outcome that I will lose some weight and feel better about myself.

What are your non-resolutions?

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