no use crying over spilt lentils

I spilled a quarter of a bag of lentils on my (filthy) kitchen floor tonight while preparing dinner. #veganproblems

The cats thought it was great fun to frolic through the lentil mess while I scrambled to find my trusty broom and dust pan. I probably could’ve scooped them all up, rinsed, and life would’ve gone forth as usual, but I really don’t trust the state of my kitchen floor. Into the garbage they went. What a sad day.

As far as diet and exercise goes, it’s been a frustrating week. I’ve been uber stressed at work and as the emotional eater I am, this has translated into a) skipping the gym and b) eating lots of sweets. I have no excuse for my behavior. I think I need to accomplish two things in the very near future:

1) I need to bring more fruit and veggies to snack on at work because I find I am ravenous upon arriving home and will literally sit down and eat just about anything in unimaginable quantities.

and 2) I need to find ways to add activity into my daily life outside of my organized cardio routine to offset the extra calories I’ll be consuming through snackage.

I eat an incredibly healthy diet 80% of the time. I am not one of those people that hates fruit and veggies. I adore them. I eat them daily, in large quantities. But I also have a sweet tooth and enjoy sugary treats the way Paula Deen enjoys butter. I sooth my bad days with candy and $4.50 soy lattes. I sometimes think I’m an addict of sorts. Depending on the stage of my life I’m referring to, I can pinpoint exactly what I used as a soothing agent: lately, it’s been food. But there have been times *cough*mylastyearofcollege*cough* that it was more the booze-sooth. I can be a junkie for just about anything. People say it takes a lot of willpower to be a vegetarian or a vegan, which I’ve been able to demonstrate, but the willpower required to stay away from sweets is a brand of willpower I have yet to perfect the art of.

I spend a lot of time thinking about and complaining about my dreaded sedentary deskjob life. The truth is, I can bitch about it all I want but if I want to be able to stay on top of my bills, I have to accept this fate. I’ve been reading lots of stats lately that 1 in 3 adults are overweight or obese in this country but when I look around at my friends, peers, coworkers, it seems very few are struggling with the affliction I struggle with. I have a really hard time noticing how damned skinny my coworkers are and it doesn’t even really seem like they’re trying. You get really cozy-close with coworkers: you see them eat, you hear them talk about their personal lives, and it seems to me that no one thinks about food or exercise at the rate it’s always weighing on my mind. Of course, I’m no mind reader. I could be very wrong about their struggles. To the untrained eye, though, I see myself struggling and I see everyone else going out to lunch, eating high calorie meals, and not. getting. fat.

Part of my problem is laziness, I think. I don’t want to have to try. When I do try, I don’t see results so I lose my drive. I need to be held accountable. Convincing my boyfriend to be active with me and thusly, hold me accountable, has been a struggle. We both would rather sit on the couch and talk about changing rather than actually change. I find I’m not so much in love with my life these days. These are those trying times when I go into hiding. In fight or flight, I’m definitely flight.

I never thought I’d have a blog I stuck with because I never thought I had enough interesting information to convey to the outside world. I still don’t really have anything of interest to convey…but regardless, I’m enjoying being part of the conversation.

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7 thoughts on “no use crying over spilt lentils

  1. Kinenchen says:

    Will power and discipline are things I mostly lack. I rely on peer pressure a lot of the time: I do group exercise, hang with non-vegan friends (definitely pressure to perform), etc. It’s good to know I’m not alone. I love your blog!

  2. Melissa says:

    Oh my gosh, (I think/feel) I know what you feel like! When I had a desk job, I would eat EVERYTHING. ON. SIGHT. when I got home… no matter if I had snacked on ‘healthy’ stuff at work or not… it’s kind of like, you get home, you realize you’re not ‘on display’, and you just stuff your face… I’m dreading that when I go back to working at a desk job…

    But what I came here to say (not to complain about eating everything haha), is that even if you think your co-workers are thin or in shape, chances are, they’re probably not. Obviously I’m going off my experiences, but I would be considered ‘in shape’ and, by the looks of my horrid C25K results, I am very OUT of shape. And, like you, I CRAVE sweets and wine/beer like no other.

    It’s a constant struggle, even for the people who seem outwardly in shape or ‘with it’. Okay, so there are some lucky people who do get to eat whatever they want and not gain weight, but honestly, how long does that luck last? Until their 30s, 40s?

    You’re creating a healthy lifestyle for yourself NOW while you’re young, so years from now, when you’re healthy and feeling/looking great, and people you knew from work come to you and say “omg how do you eat such delicious foods and stay so healthy?!” because they’re freaking out, you’ll be able to tell them it’s easy… but they’ll need a whole lotta willpower!

    At least, that’s what I try to tell myself 🙂 I think it will work!

    • I never thought of it that way–about the pressure being lifted of “being on display”–but you’re so right. I can definitely be a closet eater at times. I ate a chocolate bar in the safety of my car just the other day on my lunch break! Since no one saw it, it was kinda like it never happened. I’m glad you said that because now I’ve pinpointed a whole other layer of this!

      • Melissa says:

        I’ve definitely eaten ‘forbidden’ stuff when I’ve been alone too… and I don’t know about you, but I feel HORRIBLE about it afterwards, worse than I would feel if I had just eaten a large ice cream WITH people. It’s kind of like when health/diet magazines tell you to never have “forbidden” foods because THAT’S what will happen.

        I don’t think I’ve had to sneak anything like that within the past 3 months or so, just because I’ve been so busy and distracted, but how do you typically combat these urges? Do you give in a just say, well tomorrow will be better? Do you try to distract yourself? Do you make up for it with extra exercise? I think that’s one of my hardest addictions/temptations to beat!

        I’m so glad to have found someone who has similar
        ‘quirks’ like me! 🙂

  3. Exercising and eating right rarely yields immediate dividends. If they did, everyone would be doing it. But, over the long-term, a healthy lifestyle will really pay off. It doesn’t require faith. It’s actually true.

    • I know, I know. It’s hard looking in the mirror and seeing weight that feels like it should be dissipating. But you’re right: my healthy heart will mean much more in 10, 20, 30 years than an immediate weight loss would mean now.

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