I have taken every day since Monday off from the couch to 5k program and have been battling a wicked case of body shame. When I think of “body shame” what springs to mind first and foremost is young women adjusting to their newfound sexuality, wearing revealing clothing, and being “slut-shamed,” but there is a very different, very real alternate form of body shame going on in my head. I’m angry at my body because I feel like it’s failing me. I feel handicapped by this ankle injury–which isn’t even much of an injury at all because there was no trauma. It’s just wear and tear. I feel much older than I am and I feel regretful for letting myself get to this point. Crying and whining won’t change it, but with a bum ankle, there isn’t much I can do to change it. So, for now, I am throwing myself a pity party. It’s been hard. But my coworker did say that I looked thinner, which made me feel .0001% better (only because I know the truth, that I’ve only lost a measly 5 pounds, but I accepted the compliment as graciously as I could).
In a workout rut and in sort of a cooking rut, I opted to order pad thai tonight instead of trying to cook a vegan version myself. I’d never had pad thai so I decided I’d be better off seeing if I even like it before trying to cook it. Ordering vegan pad thai turned out to be quite an ordeal. My boyfriend placed the order and he asked for “no eggs” and “no fish sauce.” They called him back 10 minutes later and informed him that every sauce they use is already prepared and has fish sauce already in it except for three–teryaki, orange sauce, and sweet & spicy. The pad thai sauce that normally accompanies the meal is a sweet & sour. They subbed in the sweet & spicy for me and added a bunch of veggies. They were very accommodating and I was thankful. But I also just realized the huge amount of fish sauce (and potentially shrimp sauce in my favorite, red thai curry) that I’ve consumed in the past couple of months. Ugh. There’s nothing I can do about it now, and at least now I’m educated, but I hate to be a pain about ordering because I know chefs aren’t too thrilled about changing their recipes for picky customers. This all goes back to the guilt and shame I carry with me–I hate being difficult.
But, the meal was delicious and I have plenty leftover to eat at work tomorrow for lunch.
I leave you with this: I discovered an amazing smoothie concoction that I am deeming the “dreamsicle smoothie” because that’s what it tastes like!
It’s also great with pineapple chunks. Let me know what you think if you try it! I have no measurements to provide–just wing it!