the inclination to bolt.

In my yoga + book club we’re reading Women Food and God and one of the chapters is about fighting the inclination to bolt. In fight vs. flight, I am 99.9% flight. I always run from my issues. A relevant example: this morning, after tossing and turning and getting terrible sleep, I wanted so badly to call into work and take a mental health day. Despite the fact that nothing important or urgent happened at work today, I knew I couldn’t/shouldn’t do that. I’ve played my fair sure of hooky and there comes a time in every adult’s life where hooky is just not acceptable anymore. I’m a grown-ass woman! I can’t just run away from work (or any other commitment I have) when the going gets tough. If I bailed on every single one of the commitments I had reservations about, I’d never leave my house. I’d be a complete agoraphobe. You can’t just block out all the uncomfortable, uneasy realities of your life: you have to face them.

Most of the time, the uncomfortable things I previously considered bailing on turned out to be pleasant experiences. Everything becomes an experience to learn from–a growth opportunity. Who would I be today if I didn’t branch out from my comfort zone and do things that scared me like go to college, get a job, try veganism? We all have our off days. It says a lot about the content of our character when we can push aside those feelings and show up anyway. Being present in the moment matters more than you could know. Participating in the moment, with however much unease you may be carrying, is always admirable.

I didn’t much feel like going to yoga last night but I didn’t really have a reason. So I showed up, we discussed the book, and I had one of the most fulfilling classes as of yet. We really honed in on our yoga breathing and I can’t begin to describe the amazing feeling that comes over you when your breath is aligned with your movement. It’s like everything is flowing freely, without effort–muscles become strong but feel like jelly all at once. I don’t know if everybody else experiences that sensation, but it’s a peaceful unity I feel within myself, especially in forward fold. My hamstrings are tight but there’s always a point in the practice where I feel like anything is possible. My body leads me. It sounds corny but it’s true, but to get there, you have to let yourself go and trust your instructor. My current instructor does a fantastic job of encouraging us all. She actually went as far as to call us all goddesses while we practiced a Warrior I vinyasa. The key is to forget what you may look like and just go with it. Stop looking around, stop wondering if you look stupid or wondering if you’re doing it just like everyone else–just feel it.

I started today with a bad case of the Mondays but I realize I don’t have much to complain about. This is part of embracing a positive, peaceful life, the one I set out to appreciate at the beginning of this new year.

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